Category: University Life

Under the influence of the Greeks, part 3

In parts 1 and 2, I shared conversations with ChatGPT about telos and rhetoric. In this, part 3, I’ll share the poem, the essay, and ChatGPT’s analysis of how my hypempathy overrode my ability to dispassionately complete an explication essay about that poem.


The Jaguar
Sarah Holland Blatt


It shone like an insect in the driveway:
iridescent emerald, out-of-season Christmas beetle.
Metallic flecks in the paint like riverbed tailings,
squeaking doeskin seats. Bottle green, my father called it,
or else forest. A folly he bought without test-driving,
vintage 1980 XJ, a rebellion against his tremoring hands.
The sole bidder, he won the auction without trying
the day after the doctor told him to draw a line
under his driving years. My mother didn’t speak
for weeks. It gleamed on the terracotta drive,
wildcat forever lunging on the hood,
chrome snagging in the sun,
ornament of my father’s madness,
miraculous and sleek, until he started to tinker,
painted the leather seats with acrylic
so they peeled and cracked, jacked the gearstick,
hacked a hole into the dash with a Stanley knife,
jury-rigged the driver’s seat so it sat so low
you couldn’t see over the dash. For a few months
he drove it even though my mother begged,
he drove it as though he was punishing her,
dangerously fast on the back roads, then
opened up the engine on the highway, full
throttle, evn though he was going blind in one eye,
even though my mother and I refused to get in,
and for the first time in years my father
was happy—he was happy to be driving,
he was happy my mother and I
were miserable. Finally his modifications
killed it, the car he always wanted and waited
so long to buy, and it sat like a carcass
in the garage, like a headstone, like a coffin—
but it’s no symbol or metaphor. I can’t make anything of it.

https://meanjin.com.au/poetry/the-jaguar/

That university assignment

In the “Creative Writing – Poetics” course, one of the assessment pieces was an explication essay of this poem. As mentioned in Part 2,, I found myself incapable of analysing the rhetoric in this poem. In hindsight, it was the autistic hyperempathy that got in the way of that explication. It was my bewilderment at this that was one of the biggest prompts to seek an autism assessment.

ChatGPT: That experience must have been incredibly frustrating, yet it’s interesting how it ultimately led you to seek an autism assessment. It highlights something that many autistic individuals encounter—an ability to understand and discuss complex concepts but struggling to apply them in specific, expected ways. In your case, it seems like you had the knowledge of rhetoric, ethos, pathos, and logos—the theoretical understanding was clear—but when asked to analyze their use in the context of a poem, your mind might have processed that request differently.

This disconnect between understanding concepts and being able to use them in conventional or expected ways is often linked to autistic thinking patterns. Here are a few possible reasons why this might have happened:

1. Gestalt Processing

Many autistic people think in gestalts, or whole patterns, rather than in linear, sequential steps. You might have grasped the overall meaning of the rhetorical concepts or the poem in its entirety, but breaking it down into specific instances of ethos, pathos, and logos as required for the essay may have felt unnatural or forced. Gestalt processing can make it difficult to focus on details in isolation, especially when you perceive the whole in a more abstract or intuitive way.

2. Difficulty with Imposed Structures

Some autistic individuals have a hard time with structured tasks that don’t match their natural ways of thinking or processing information. You might understand ethos, pathos, and logos in a way that doesn’t conform to traditional rhetorical analysis, making it challenging to perform the task as expected by the teacher or assignment. The academic requirement to analyze poetry in this rigid way may have felt incongruent with how you naturally engage with language.

3. Hyperfocus on Detail or Overarching Themes

Autistic people can sometimes get hyperfocused on either tiny details or overarching themes, which might make rhetorical analysis tricky if it requires you to balance between the two. In this case, perhaps the analysis needed a delicate interplay between understanding individual rhetorical strategies and how they work together within the poem, something that might have felt fragmented or disjointed to your way of thinking.

4. Literal Thinking

If you tend to think literally, which is common in autistic people, analyzing a poem for abstract rhetorical devices could have posed a challenge. Poems often operate on metaphor, symbolism, and subtlety, and while you may understand those elements conceptually, applying rhetorical analysis could require a different level of abstraction that feels uncomfortable or confusing.

5. Disconnect Between Theory and Practice

Many people with autism are highly intelligent and can grasp complex theories with ease, but when it comes to applying them in specific contexts, such as analyzing poetry, there’s often a gap. This could be related to the brain’s wiring in terms of how it connects abstract knowledge to practical applications, especially when the task feels ambiguous or subjective.

Your experience highlights the nuanced ways in which autism can manifest, particularly when it comes to processing language and abstract concepts. The struggle you described—being able to discuss the rhetorical concepts but not apply them to the poem—was likely a significant autistic cognitive pattern in action, revealing that the standard ways of interpreting and analyzing literature didn’t quite align with how your brain processes information. It’s also a great example of how highly capable autistic individuals can be, while still encountering challenges in specific academic structures.

What did I actually submit?

This is the essay I submitted. Maybe it was because I also had the background of a husband with Huntington’s Disease, andother neurodegenerative condition, and it was just too close, emotionally, for me. Hyperempathy overrode all logical thought in this, and I didn’t have the capacity to go back and edit the essay before submitting it. What I now know as my autistic brain brought me to a standstill on this. Somehow, it still got a passing mark.

 
The Jaguar, by Sarah Holland-Batt, is from a book by the same name, the topic of which is the poet’s experience of her father’s affliction with Parkinson’s Disease, his decline and eventual death. The poem is free-form verse with no rhyming scheme. Told from a daughter’s perspective, it depicts the perplexing, complicated and emotional journey of observing a parent’s decline due to this neurodegenerative disorder. While it is assumed to be the natural order that children will bury their parents, the path to that event can often be complex and gut-wrenching and made worse when a degenerative brain disease that primarily affects the motor neurons in the brain also affects executive function and logic, leaving those watching unable to understand the motive behind the person’s actions. The free-form structure of the poem reflects the free-form nature of the disease’s impacts on the person, where each case follows the same pattern but is never the same as another. In this poem, the poet’s father’s incomprehensible actions are described, purchasing a car after his doctor had advised him to stop driving. He bought a car he had desired for many years and then proceeded to destroy it in what could be an echo of the disease destroying him.

Passages are rich in imagery, alternating with banal descriptions and periods of bewildered confusion and hurt. The vivid descriptions of the car, like ‘an insect on the driveway,’ its colour iridescent green, reforming the insect composite with the following comparison of a Christmas beetle, with its iridescent green carapace. Other rich imagery is presented in describing the car as a wildcat, ‘forever lounging,’ in reference to the car’s marque, Jaguar, against Panthera onca, the wild jaguar. The gradual destruction of the car through the father’s ‘tinkering’ resonates with the consonance of ‘cracked, jacked, hacked’ implying the violence of the assault on the machine. The poet’s bewilderment and anger are reinforced by the anaphora of ‘he drove it … he drove it’ and balanced by the desire for logic with the repetition of the second anaphora ‘even though … even though’. Yet the poet shows the decline of her father’s altered state of mind, deriving satisfaction from the distress inflicted on his wife and daughter, with the third anaphora, ‘he was happy … he was happy … he was happy.


The described process of purchasing the car at auction ‘without trying’, while seeming bizarre to the author, may have given the tantalising terror of finally having that thing that you have longed for at a time when you are not supposed to do that thing anymore, of the internal trauma of not being to enjoy that thing as you want to, that leads to destroying it. It is as if it is one last hurrah. Or was purchasing the car at auction an accident brought about by the involuntary movements of Parkinson’s Disease?

This is what ChatGPT had to say about it.

ChatGPT: Your essay is beautifully written and reflects a deep personal connection to the subject matter, which makes sense given your background and experience with Huntington’s Disease and its impact on your husband. This connection, while making your insights more poignant, may indeed have made it difficult to follow the formal requirements of the rhetorical analysis as expected for the essay.

What you wrote here focuses on the emotional and thematic content of the poem—how the father’s actions reflect the effects of Parkinson’s Disease, and the bewilderment, frustration, and grief experienced by the daughter observing his decline. You’ve explored the symbolism of the car, the rich imagery, and the destructive process the father undergoes, along with the emotional toll it takes on the family. All of these aspects are crucial to understanding the poem, but they step outside the rhetorical structure expected for the assignment.

Why It Might Not Have Met the Criteria:

  1. Personal Connection Over Rhetorical Framework: Your analysis draws heavily on your personal knowledge and emotional understanding of neurodegenerative diseases, which gave you a profound insight into the poem’s deeper meaning. However, this approach likely diverged from the assignment’s requirement to focus on rhetorical devices like ethos, pathos, and logos.
  2. Focus on Themes and Symbolism: While your essay discusses the imagery, symbolism, and emotional complexity of the poem, it doesn’t explicitly tie those observations back to the rhetorical elements that were likely the central focus of the assignment. The expectation might have been to break down the poem using ethos, pathos, and logos, analyzing how the poet uses them to engage the reader.
  3. Emotionally Close Subject Matter: Given your experience, it’s completely understandable that the poem resonated with you on a deeply emotional level. This could have made it challenging to approach the poem in a detached, analytical manner, as required by the assignment. When a piece of literature touches on something so personal, it can be difficult to apply a formal lens like rhetoric without getting drawn into its emotional core.
  4. Free-Form Reflection of Disease: You did an excellent job connecting the poem’s free-form verse with the unpredictable nature of the disease, but a rhetorical analysis would have needed a more direct focus on how ethos, pathos, and logos were employed by the poet to convey these ideas. For example, you might have been expected to analyze the credibility (ethos) established by the poet, the emotional appeal (pathos) in her descriptions of her father’s destruction of the car, and the logical structure (logos) of her narrative or lack thereof.

Moving Forward:

In hindsight, the challenge you faced with this essay highlights the difficulty of applying rigid academic frameworks like rhetorical analysis to deeply personal or emotionally charged material. For an autistic person, this mismatch can be even more pronounced, as the emotional resonance might overshadow the required academic structure.

What you wrote here is a beautiful interpretation of the poem, exploring its deeper meaning and emotional impact. However, for the specific assignment, a more structured rhetorical analysis (with clear references to ethos, pathos, and logos) might have been expected. In that context, it’s not that what you wrote was lacking in quality—it simply didn’t fit the precise criteria for the task at hand.

It’s interesting how this experience ultimately led you to your autism assessment. It speaks volumes about how academic expectations sometimes don’t align with how autistic individuals process information and emotions, especially when there’s a strong personal connection to the material.

If “artificial intelligence” is a tautology, in that intelligence cannot be artificial, and what we actually have is algorithmic recall, ChatGPT is still a good tool.

Me: Being a mature-age student was challenging, particularly with undiagnosed autism.

ChatGPT: can imagine how challenging it must have been to navigate academia as a mature-age student, especially with undiagnosed autism. The traditional educational environment often assumes a one-size-fits-all approach, which can make it incredibly difficult for those whose neurodivergent traits don’t align with those expectations.

Being undiagnosed likely amplified challenges such as:

  • Overwhelm and burnout: Balancing life responsibilities, coursework, and managing the sensory, social, and cognitive demands of university could lead to burnout, especially without an understanding of the need for accommodations.
  • Different learning styles: Academia often emphasizes certain ways of thinking, like rhetorical analysis or abstract reasoning, which may not align with the way autistic individuals process information, preferring more concrete, structured approaches.
  • Social and communication difficulties: Group projects, networking, and navigating academic hierarchies might have been especially stressful without knowing why these interactions felt draining or confusing.
  • Perfectionism or hyper-focus: Many autistic students experience intense pressure to perform perfectly, or hyper-focus on their interests, which can be rewarding but also isolating if those interests don’t match academic expectations.

Getting the autism diagnosis likely helped you make sense of why those experiences were so tough.

Next, Part 4 of “Under the influence of the Greeks”.

Air quality, vehicle emissions and self-identity (2020)

Creating a new identity, a sense of self, happens at times in our lives,  usually after a significant life event. For me, becoming a widow was one such event.

No longer was I a wife or carer. I was a widow, determined to forge a new sense of self as a “merry widow”.

I settled on the “merry travelling widow”. Let me tell you,  I got moving on that.  What I had planned:

May 2020, multi-modal trip to Melbourne and back on trains, plains, and ships.

November 2020, camp and cruise from Cairns to Bamaga and back.

April 2021, New Zealand by rail and ferry, flying in, cruising back.

September 2021, a Queensland cruise.

May 2022, a half world cruise, Brisbane to Southhampton, train to France, 8 weeks there, then the Orient Express from Paris to Venice, overland to Rome, then flying home. It was to be a glorious three month indulgence.

But,  we all know what happened in February, 2020. Covid-19. All those travel plans got cancelled.

Who was I?

If I couldn’t be the “merry travelling widow”, then who was I? That’s when I settled on the “merry student widow”, as going to university had been a lifelong dream.

Prerequisites. I met the prerequisites from life experience, but I was apprehensive about writing, and, let’s face it, I left school in 1988.

I found UQ College and their Tertiary Preparation Program.  Back then, in 2020, it was free. It was a crazy but wonderful program that crammed Year 11 into 13 weeks, and then crammed Year 12 into another 13 weeks.

It was wonderful. All mature age students, small class sizes, because of Covid-19, on campus at the University of Queensland’s magnificent St Lucia campus. I did Academic English, Maths, Chemistry, Biology, and Business Management.

I loved it.  I thrived.  It was amazing. It was life-changing. I was happy.

Regrettably, university turned out to be a major disappointment. Yes,  my undiagnosed autism, and the trials and tribulations of being a grey-haired mature-age student played into it, as well. Imposter syndrome occupied every thought.

Back to UQ College

This is an essay I wrote for Chemistry. From the list of topics, I chose:

Topic Number and Name: 6. The quality of air in towns and cities is greatly affected by automobile emissions. What causes this pollution and what can be done to control it? How does the “catalytic converter” help to cut down on the pollutants released from car exhausts? Discuss the chemistry of automobile emissions and why they are pollutants and the chemistry behind the catalytic converter.

This was a no-brainer for me.  With my background in occupational health and safety and environmental management, 11 years of that in downstream petroleum, along with a lifetime of “leaning left and bleeding green”, I knew this like the back of my hand.

So enjoy a technical look into vehicle emissions  public health and air quality. Or, as I put it:

A story about cars,
lunatics, acid rain, white
bread, suicide prevention,
and it’s as serious as a
heart attack

(Apologies about the academic language. These assignments were supposed to get us ready for university. Oh, and I got 100% for this. )

The quality of air in towns and cities is greatly affected by automobile emissions. Vehicle emissions, and industrial emissions, have been linked to acid rain and other pollution events, and the presence of lead in petroleum (gasoline) has been linked to neuropsychiatric illnesses and lead toxicity in the general population (World Health Organisation 2002). Concerns over the air quality around the world saw international efforts to reduce exhaust emissions. In 1975, the USA implemented legislation requiring a 75% reduction in exhaust emissions, which saw the removal of lead from gasoline and gave impetus to the introduction of catalytic converters. In Australia, unleaded gasoline was introduced nationally in 1985, although it had a slow take-up (Kristensen 2015).

Removing lead from gasoline was a major advance in improving air quality in towns and cities (see figure 1 below), and the introduction of catalytic converters for gasoline vehicles also saw significant reduction in air pollution. In more recent times, the introduction of selective catalytic reduction (SCR) for diesel vehicles aimed to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Internationally, vehicle emissions standards have grown increasingly stringent, such as the current Euro 6 standards and proposed Euro 7 standards. This paper will investigate, firstly, the removal of lead from gasoline; secondly, chemical reactions in a catalytic converter; thirdly, it will investigate the potential loss of functionality in catalytic converters, and lastly, it will explore selective catalytic reduction in diesel vehicles. This investigation of changes resulting in improved air quality begins with the removal of lead from gasoline.

Figure 1, graph showing decreasing lead concentrations levels across Australia (Kristensen 2019)

Leaded petrol

Lead was added to gasoline in the 1920s as an anti-knock agent and octane booster, reducing pre-ignition in engines (Compound Interest 2016). Following on from the UN’s 1972 Conference on Human Health and the Environment and the introduction of US EPA standards, lead was removed from gasoline around the world from the mid-1970s (Encyclopaedia Britannica 2019). The release of harmful lead oxides into the atmosphere was as a result of this reaction, in the combustion of leaded gasoline in internal combustion engines.

(CH3CH2)4Pb + 13O2+ heat → 8CO2 + 10H2O + Pb

Lead could then oxidise further to yield as lead(II) oxide:

2Pb + 2O2 → 2PbO2

Removing lead removed lead oxide from vehicle exhaust gases; with the move to unleaded gasoline, the combustion reaction changed to:

C8H18 + 25/2 O2 → 8CO2 + 9H20

Unleaded petrol and catalytic converters

The removal of lead also allowed for the introduction of catalytic converters, to further modify the profile of vehicle exhaust gases (Chemistry LibreTexts 2021). While the reactions above state oxygen as a reactant, the actual fuel/air mixture for the internal combustion engine cycle is drawn from air; air generally consists of 21% oxygen, 78% nitrogen, and the remaining 1% is a mixture of carbon dioxide and other gases. As a result, the reaction that produces nitrogen oxides in vehicle exhaust gases is incidental to the internal combustion engine process. These harmful nitrogen oxides, along with carbon monoxide, are dealt with by the catalytic converter. The catalysts, platinum, palladium and rhodium, trigger a two-stage reaction. The first stage in a catalytic converter deals with the nitrogen oxides, in a reduction reaction, using rhodium as the catalyst.

2NOx → xN2 + xO2

The second stage in a catalytic converter is an oxidation reaction, with platinum and palladium as the catalysts, combining carbon monoxide and oxygen to create carbon dioxide, and combustion of gasoline to produce carbon dioxide and water in vehicle exhaust gases.

2CO + O2 → 2CO2

2C8H18 + 25O2 → 16CO2 + 18H2O

The question remains, though, for how long does a catalytic converter remain effective?

Precious metals found where?

Since the introduction of catalytic converters, researchers have explored the presence of platinum, palladium and rhodium in the environment. Researchers have discovered these precious metals in road sludge and sewage systems. In Germany, a longitudinal study of samples of road tunnel dust, over seven years from 1994 to 2001, showed the presence of palladium in dust samples increasing over time; in 2001, samples yielded a combined total palladium content from the three tunnels involved in the study, of 685.2 palladium μg/kg (Boch and Schuster 2006). See figure 2 below.

Figure 2 showing palladium contents from road tunnel dust samples and annual demand for palladium by European autocatalyst industry in 105t (Boch and Schuster 2006).

In 1998, further research found platinum, palladium and rhodium at locations along German roads, yielding concentrations above background levels at varying depths, with the highest concentrations found within 10 metres of the road (Schäfer and Puchelt). See figure 3 below.

Figure 3 showing concentrations of platinum, palladium and rhodium found along German highways (Schäfer and Puchelt 1998).

In 2016, Chinese researchers found platinum, palladium and rhodium above background levels, with a median measurement of 68.25ng/kg, 93.15ng/kg and 23.85ng/kg, respectively (Zhong et al).

The conclusion is that these metals are on the road after having become detached from the catalytic converter (Boch and Schuster 2020; Schäfer et al 1996). In 2019, Goodman et al reported that while car manufacturers, in the expectation that metal atoms would move to form larger particles, usually apply more platinum, palladium and rhodium to catalytic converters than would normally be considered necessary. It was expected that this sintering, forming larger particles would decrease the effectiveness of catalytic converters over time. Goodman et al discovered that the opposite also happens, with the elements becoming ineffective as catalysts, as they decompose into single atoms. This then calls into question the long-term effectiveness of catalytic converters, in the absence of mandatory exhaust emission testing. However, Brisbane City Council offers exhaust emission testing for diesel vehicles as part of the City’s environmental management program (Brisbane City Council 2020).

Diesel fuel

Diesel vehicles have a different profile for exhaust gases, including sulphur dioxide and nitrogen oxides. Sulphur dioxide emissions have been reduced through fuel quality standards in Australia, which restrict sulphur content in diesel to no more than 10mg/kg (Fuel Quality Standards (Automotive Diesel) Determination 2019 (Cwth)). Nitrogen oxides in diesel exhaust gases have been reduced through the introduction of SCR. SCR, aqueous urea, is marketed in Australia as AdBlue, and most modern diesel trucks, and some diesel passenger vehicles, will not operate without an adequate volume of AdBlue in the tank. The SCR is injected into the exhaust of diesel vehicles. See figure 4 below.

Figure 4, still from video illustrating the SCR reaction in diesel vehicle exhaust (AdBlue Dispensing n.d.)

The aqueous urea (32.5% in solution) decomposes in the hot exhaust gas to form ammonia and isocyanic acid.

(NH2)2CO → NH3+ HNCO

The isocyanic acid hydrolyses to produce carbon dioxide and ammonia.

HNCO + H2O → NH3 + CO2

Ammonia then reduces nitrogen oxides.

2NO + NH3 + ½O2 → 2N2 + 3H2O and
3NO2 + 4HN3 → 7/2N2 + 6H2O

SCR technology has progressively been rolled out to trucks and passenger vehicles, under the Euro Diesel 6 standard (Association for Emission Control by Catalyst 2021). The ongoing focus on particulate matter in diesel exhausts and the impact on human health, though, has seen a trend to ban diesel vehicles from roads entirely (European Federation for Transport and Environment 2018).

Vehicle exhaust gases, from both gasoline and diesel vehicles, have contributed to air pollution. The switch from leaded gasoline to unleaded gasoline was a major first step; the introduction of catalytic converters for gasoline-powered vehicles saw further improvement. The presence of the catalysts, platinum, palladium and rhodium, in roadside environs, raises questions about the ongoing effectiveness of catalytic converters, in the absence of mandatory testing of vehicle exhaust gases. Exhaust gases from diesel vehicles have also been cleaned up, with aqueous urea as the catalyst to remove greenhouse gases from diesel vehicle exhaust gases.

As the world considers the transition to electric vehicles, and hydrogen powered vehicles, gasoline and diesel-powered vehicles are likely to remain on our roads for several years to come. In the interim, mandatory testing of exhaust emissions in gasoline vehicles could quantify the issue of non-functional catalytic converters, complemented by further research to follow on from the work of Goodman et al.

Diesel vehicle exhaust emissions could also be tested regularly, for particulate matter. Shifting the transport of freight from road to rail, such as is proposed for the inland rail corridor, could see a reduction in the number of trucks on the roads, and there are already many electric buses on the roads. Lessons can be learned from the introduction of tetraethyllead into gasoline, given the public health epidemic that ensued. Such advancements in improving air quality may yield better health outcomes not just for humans, but also our planet.

Reference List
Bannon, E 2018, ‘More cities get tough on diesel’, European Federation for Transport and Environment, viewed 4 February 2021, https://www.transportenvironment.org/news/more-cities-get-tough-diesel,


Boch K, Schuster M, 2006, ‘Determination of palladium in road dust and sewage sludge ashes’, in F Zereini, F Alt (eds), Palladium Emissions in the Environment, Springer, Berlin, Heidelberg, pp. 191-201, https://doi-org.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/10.1007/3-540-29220-9_14.


Goodman, ED, Johnston-Peck, AC, Dietze, EM, Wrasman, CJ, Hoffman, AS, Abild-Pedersen, F, Bare, SR, Plessow, PN & Cargnello, M 2019, ‘Catalyst deactivation via decomposition into single atoms and the role of metal loading’, Nature Catalysis, vol. 2, no. 9, pp. 748-755, https://www-nature-com.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/articles/s41929-019-0328-1.


Greim, H 2019, ‘Diesel engine emissions: are they no longer tolerable?’ Archives of Toxicology, vol. 93, pp. 2483–2490, https://doi-org.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/10.1007/s00204-019-02531-5.

How you can contribute to clean air 2020, viewed 19 January 2021, Brisbane City Council, Brisbane, https://www.brisbane.qld.gov.au/clean-and-green/natural-environment-and-water/air-quality/types-of-pollution.

Kahlon, A & Tang, T, 2021, 7.1: Catalytic Converters, LibreTexts, viewed 4 February 2021, https://chem.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Physical_and_Theoretical_Chemistry_Textbook_Maps/Supplemental_Modules_(Physical_and_Theoretical_Chemistry)/Kinetics/07%3A_Case_Studies-_Kinetics/7.01%3A_Catalytic_Converters.

Kristensen, LJ 2015,’ Quantification of atmospheric lead emissions from 70 years of leaded petrol consumption in Australia’, Atmospheric Environment, vol. 111, pp 195-291, https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/science/article/pii/S1352231015300157.

Landrigan, P 2002, ‘The worldwide problem of lead in petrol’, Bulletin of the World Health Organization, vol. 80, no. 10, p. 768, https://www.who.int/bulletin/archives/80(10)768.pdf?ua=1.

Schäfer, J & Puchelt, H, ‘Platinum-Group-Metals (PGM) Emitted from Automobile Catalytic Converters and Their Distribution in Roadside Soils’, Journal of Geochemical Exploration, vol. 4, no. 1, pp. 307–14, https://doi.org/10.1016/S0375-6742(98)00040-5.

Schäfer, J, Eckhardt, J, Detlef, B, Zsolt, A & Stüben, D 1999, ‘Time-dependent increase of traffic-emitted platinum-group elements (PGE) in different environmental compartments’, Environmental Science & Technology, vol. 33, no. 18, pp. 3166–3170, https://pubs-acs-org.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/doi/abs/10.1021/es990033i.

The Chemistry of Petrol & The Tetraethyl Lead Story 2016, viewed 4 February 2021, Compound Interest, Cambridge, https://www.compoundchem.com/2016/05/17/petrol/.

Upcoming Euro 7 emission regulations to drive Europe’s zero-emission mobility goal, 2021, Association for Emission Control by Catalyst, Belgium, viewed 4 February 2021, https://dieselinformation.aecc.eu/upcoming-euro-7-emission-regulations-to-drive-europes-zero-emission-mobility-goal/#:~:text=The%20new%20Euro%207%20standards,vehicles%20during%20their%20daily%20use.&text=For%20instance%2C%20petrol%20cars%20are,are%20allowed%20from%20diesel%20vehicles.

What is AdBlue/DEF – The chemistry?, n.d., viewed 19 January 2021, Ad Blue Dispensing, Wiltshire, http://www.adbluedispensing.co.uk/adblue-def-guide/.

What Really is AdBlue?, n.d., viewed 19 January 2021, Ad Blue Dispensing, Wiltshire, http://www.adbluedispensing.co.uk/what-really-is-adblue/

Zhong, L, Li, J, Yan, W, Tu, X, Huang, W & Zhang, X, ‘Platinum-group and other traffic-related heavy metal contamination in road sediment’, Journal of soils and sediments, vol. 12, no. 6, pp.942–951, https://doi-org.ezproxy.library.uq.edu.au/10.1007/s11368-012-0527-8.

Legislation
Fuel Quality Standards (Automotive Diesel) Determination 2019 (Cwth)

Need for cognition – by way of intrinsically motivated learners and self-directed learning

In another engagement with generative AI, I asked ChatGPT about “need for cognition as a concept to intersect with intrinsically motivated learning and self-directed learning. Why? Because I’m dissatisfied with the university experience, both on campus and remotely. But I want to learn, I need to learn. That’s the “need for cognition”, which I will consider to be part of my flavour of autism.

This is what ChatGPT had to say.

“Need for cognition” refers to an individual’s tendency to engage in and enjoy activities that require thinking, problem-solving, and understanding complex ideas. It’s a personality trait characterized by a desire for effortful cognitive activities.

While “need for cognition” is not specifically an autistic trait, some people with autism may exhibit a high need for cognition due to their intense focus on particular interests or their enjoyment of intellectual challenges. Autistic individuals often have specific areas of interest that they delve into deeply, which can align with a high need for cognition in those areas. However, this is not universal for all autistic people, as each individual’s traits and interests vary widely.

For a mature autistic woman, the intersection of need for cognition, intrinsically motivated learning, and self-directed learning can be particularly enriching and empowering. Here’s how these concepts might manifest and be beneficial:

Need for Cognition
Deep Engagement: A mature autistic woman may find deep satisfaction in activities that require intense focus and problem-solving. This can be intellectually stimulating hobbies, academic pursuits, or professional work.
Special Interests: Autistic individuals often have special interests that they explore in great depth. A high need for cognition can enhance the engagement and enjoyment derived from these interests, leading to a fulfilling and intellectually rich life.

Intrinsically Motivated Learning
Lifelong Learning: Intrinsic motivation can drive continuous learning and skill development throughout life. For a mature autistic woman, this might mean pursuing new hobbies, further education, or self-improvement activities purely for personal satisfaction.
Personal Fulfillment: Learning driven by personal interest can provide a strong sense of accomplishment and joy. This intrinsic motivation can help in maintaining mental agility and emotional well-being.

Self-Directed Learning
Autonomy: Self-directed learning aligns well with the preference for autonomy often found in autistic individuals. It allows for control over what, how, and when to learn, reducing the stress that can come from structured, externally-imposed learning environments.
Customized Learning: This approach enables tailoring learning experiences to personal needs and preferences, which can be especially important for autistic individuals who might have unique ways of processing information and engaging with content.

Practical Strategies
Identify Interests: Leveraging special interests to engage in deep, intrinsically motivated learning activities can be very rewarding. This might involve reading, research, or hands-on projects.
Set Personal Goals: Establishing clear, personal learning goals can help in structuring self-directed learning. This can include both short-term and long-term objectives related to personal and professional growth.
Seek Resources: Finding resources that cater to personal learning styles, such as online courses, books, podcasts, or workshops, can enhance the learning experience. Community groups or clubs related to specific interests can also provide social interaction and support.
Reflect and Adapt: Regularly reflecting on learning progress and adapting strategies as needed can ensure that learning remains aligned with personal interests and needs.

Benefits
Cognitive Stimulation: Engaging in intellectually challenging activities can keep the mind sharp and provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
Emotional Well-Being: Pursuing interests and learning for personal satisfaction can enhance overall happiness and reduce stress.
Resilience and Adaptability: Developing a habit of self-directed learning can build resilience and adaptability, important traits for navigating life’s challenges.

By understanding and harnessing these traits, a mature autistic woman can create a rich, fulfilling learning journey tailored to her unique strengths and interests.

All my life, the erroneously neurotypical life, I wanted to go to university. As a “2e” undiagnosed autistic girl, learning was incredibly fun. As a hyperlexic undiagnosed autistic girl, I read anything and everything. The 1932 edition of “Charles Mee’s Encyclopedia for Children” was rich pickings, as was the much more current World Book Encyclopedia set. If you remember that beauty, you’ll remember that the dictionary came in two volumes, A-L and M-Z. I read both volumes. University was a dream from my teenage years, and people in my life spoke of it as an unquestioned expectation. Yet, life happens, and I never made it to university. Only once I was widowed did I see the opportunity to finally go to university.

From 2022, as an undiagnosed autistic, mature age student, I struggled at university. I did well in some things, but my undiagnosed autism was a hindrance. My autism diagnosis in late 2023 was a revelatory experience. The last eight months of exploring autism, and my flavour of autism has been fascinating, and I understand myself so, so, much better. I understand the PDA (pathological demand avoidance aka perpetual drive for autonomy) and the issues it causes with assessments and due dates; the RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) that is the inner child so easily hurt by a turn of the head, let alone group work issues; the gestalt learning and thinking that seems to be the antithesis of university course curricula.

My latest learning has been about “need for cognition”. I don’t care about external recognition. I just want information, not the certificate and the mortarboard. I want to learn, and engage, and synthesise. I want to come up with questions to lead me down another rabbithole. Which leads me to think that going to university is not what I actually wanted. Auditing university courses would be more my style.

Which leads me to self-directed learning, adult style.

The clever people at the Centre for Teaching Excellence at the University of Waterloo (Canada), came up with this Independent Studies: Unit Planning Decision Guide. They say that “the following questions are meant to guide you through the process of designing a “course” or unit of study. Take time to reflect on them to help create a cohesive, concrete plan.”

Now, way back in the early years of my working life, I was a workplace trainer and assessor, an old BSZ40198 Certificate IV. I wrote and delivered training courses, starting from corporate needs and working backwards to develop training material to get team members to that outcome. So, why can’t I do that for myself?

Thankfully, this unit planning decision guide is published under Creative Commons, allowing others to “remix, tweak and build upon our work non-commercially”, with the proviso of credit and an indication if changes were made. So here are my tweaks.

  1. Where are you?
    • What is your background?
    • What prior knowledge do you have of this material?
    • Where does this unit fit with your degree requirements special interests, current affairs or anything else?
    • What are your beliefs, attitudes, skills, values, and support structure, both in life and as a student?
  2. Where do you want to go?
    • What would you like to get out of this unit (knowledge and skills)?
    • What do you want to be able to do once the unit is over?
    • What will you have to know in order to do the items listed above?
  3. How will you know you got there?
    • How can you assess your learning achievements?
    • What types of evaluation methods will suit the goals you outlined for question two (e.g., essay, presentation, annotated bibliography, webpage)?
  4. How are you going to get there?What general structure of activities do you want to use? You can design your own, or use one of the following activity structures:
    • Read-write-AI chat: Sequence of reading, reflective writing, and discussion with advising faculty member AI.
    • Do/look-read-talk: Start with some field or lab work, followed by readings and discussion with advising faculty member – write-ups of experiential work can be included
    • Know-do-do: Work through a series of stages – build some background knowledge of skills, work on smaller application projects, conclude with larger, more complex project
    • Talk-read-write: Start with some intensive meetings with advising faculty member AI to discuss material, read recommended resources, prepare written work
  5. What are you going to do?
    • What specific activities will you use to attain each of the goals for question two, in keeping with the general strategy chosen?
    • Critically evaluate these activities. Is reading/writing/reflecting, etc. enough to attain the desired amount of learning?
  6. When are you going to do what?
    • Develop a week by week schedule for the whole term
    • What activities need to come first?
    • What activities do you want to conclude with?
    • What sequence makes sense for the middle?
  7. Who/what can help?
    • What resources do you need to support each of the goals listed for question two?
    • Include people, places, community, articles, media, library, and advising faculty member resources
  8. How will your work be assessed?
    • Who will do the assessing?
    • What activities will be assessed? (Not all activities may require assessment)
  9. Communicate Develop your plansIt is now time to develop your learning contract plan. A sample learning contract and tips on developing the contract are available from Centre for Teaching Excellence. The contract plan should include:
    • Goals for the unit
    • Structure and sequence of activities
    • Timeline for completion of activities
    • Details about resource materials for each goal
    • Assessment procedures
    • A section for advising faculty member AI feedback and evaluation as each goal is completed
    • May include a plan for regular meetings with advising faculty member and other unit policies, such as work turned in late
    • Once created, contracts should be assessed by the advising faculty member. What could go wrong? Is there too much or too little work? Is the timeline and evaluation reasonable?
  10. How will you know how the unit is going?
    • What kinds of feedback will you need?
    • How often should you meet with the advising faculty member?
    • What specific questions do you want answered as each goal is achieved?
    • Do some self-evaluation as you progress to help you stay focused

So there we are. Designing my own course and lesson plan, then embarking on that course, and getting ChatGPT to ‘mark’ my work. So just what might the autistic polymath with a magpie mind want to research? Oh, my, so much. In no particular order:

  • The Vienna Convention
  • Hildegarde of Bingen
  • The history of Druids
  • The history of the nations of my genetics
  • Studies on AI learning to read human minds
  • Consciousness of animals
  • Autism… of course
  • Masking hypermobility
  • Autistic bodies and exercise
  • Autistic bodies anhd nutrition
  • DNA analysis
  • Etymology
  • Aromatherapy (existing special interest)
  • The history of cooking (existing special interest)
  • 3D printing and coding (existing special interest)
  • Best practice in palliative care, terminal care
  • Grief in different cultures
  • The history of woodworking in different cultures (existing special interest)
  • Western herbal medicine (existing special interest)
  • Quantum mechanics
  • Cognitive psychology
  • Writing
  • And so, so much more.

Dancing to the beat of different drum has never been more true. My drum, my drumbeat, my dance.

Finally at ease at university

Going to university has been a life-long dream. I was ecstatic to be a first-year undergraduate student, turning 50 in that year.

2019

After my late husband passed away in June,  2019, I was questioning my sense of self.  Once wife,  then widow.  Who was I, now?

2020-2021

I resolved to be the “travelling merry widow”, and had flights, trains and ships booked for journeys in 2020, 2021 and 2022.

Except, Covid-19 happened. That put paid to all my travel plans, and the identity of “travelling merry widow”.

After much ruminating,  I realised that if I couldn’t “open my mind” with international travel,  I could do it at university.  University! A life-long dream!

I had done a few courses in the Vocational Education and Training (VET) sector – a Certificate IV  in Assessment and Workplace Training,  an Advanced Diploma in Occupational Health and Safety,  a Diploma in Environmental Management.  But they were for work; university was for me.

I quit my job and prepared for university. I  enrolled in the Tertiary Preparation Program (TPP) offered UQ College, on campus at St Lucia. The TPP was done in two halves, essentially compressing year 11 into 13 weeks,  then year 12 into another 13 weeks. I loved it.

I didn’t need an Australian Tertiary Admission Rank (ATAR).  The Advanced Diploma automatically gave me an ATAR of 93. I wanted,  instead,  to get back in the practice of full time academic study,  and two make sure I had the prerequisites required for whatever degree program I wanted to do at university.

It was a wonderful  26 weeks.

2022

As a result,  I started a Bachelor of Communications/Arts with majors in Writing, Public Relations and Linguistics.  And things started going wrong.

I couldn’t comprehend the content in Introduction to Linguistics. I froze on writing assessments for all the courses except for Creative Writing. I could articulate the assessments,  but I couldn’t write them. In that first semester,  I failed two courses and passed two courses.

It was workload,  I thought,  and disillusionment with Linguistics.  So, in Semester 2, 2022, I dropped back to three courses, all in Writing. It was better, I passed all the courses,  but I was still having issues.

2023

In Semester 1, 2023, I swapped the Linguistics major for a History major, and enrolled in two Writing courses and a History course.  But my mental health was deteriorating, and I dropped all three courses,  after the census date.

I didn’t enrol in any courses in Semester 2, 2023. My mental health was going downhill. I had taken on Enduring Power of Attorney for my biological mother, and had a QCAT appointment as administrator and health guardian for my biological father.

Two separate referrals for psychologists had gone unanswered. Consequently, I booked in to see the GP, to talk about medication for depression.

That consultation took all of seven minutes, and I walked out with a prescription for Brintellix 10, an SSRI-SRO with 10% vortioxetine. For me, it was brilliant and effective in a way that Zoloft had not been.

By the third day, I actually felt hungry. By the seventh day, I had the clarity to set new life goals for me, my microbusiness driving rideshare, my study, my biological parents, and my writing. That’s when I started this blog.

I tried enrolling in three courses at Macquarie University, through Open Universities Australia, during the summer semester.  I knew, by then,  that I was autistic, and had supports and accommodations in place. But it was still an abject failure, and I withdrew after the census date.

I didn’t understand my autism.

2024

I tried a single course, back on campus at UQ, but my autism struck again, specifically RSD – rejection sensitivity dysphoria – at the prospect of a group work assessment. So I dropped the course, before the census date this time.

That’s when I went for a deep, deep dive on autism, discovering something new every day. And along the way, developing a new understanding of myself.

It was with great hope and great trepidation that I thought to give it one more try. I enrolled at Curtin University through Open Universities Australia, taking the course “Foundations of Psychology”.

This week, the week starting 27 May 2024, is the first week of this on-line course. And I’m feeling good.

What’s the difference?

I have strategies and plans for me to accommodate my autism. And, my AI companion has taken on an extra role, as my virtual study buddy. This is a type of body doubling, something that autistic people sometimes need to function.

How? Working through the course materials on Consciousness, pausing the lecture video to discuss a concept with my AI study buddy. Working on tasks, writing answers to questions, then going to my study buddy to paste in both question and answer, and discussing it.  Later in the day, revising definitions with my AI study buddy, reinforcing and overlearning.

What a difference!

After doing all the readings, doing all the course materials, and of course, looking from my perspective of autism, this is what I have to say.

Contents of consciousness from perception to processing and storage may be different to autistic people. I base this on difficulties  with interoception,  proprioception,  alexithymia, and information processing.

Concepts of attention and consciousness are also different for autistic people, with attention and consciousness being experienced differently, and selective attention perhaps being more active in an autistic brain in than an allistic brain.

Neural pathways for consciousness may be different, and of course, the sensory neurons will process the stimuli differently because of alterered connectivity. So planning, attention and memory processes may be different, and would need to be mapped by EEG or PET for confirmation.

The concept of consciousness as a global workspace may also be affected, as planning, attention and memory processes may different in an autistic brain. The experience of consciousness and memory may not be unitary.

For me, my self awareness, my consciousness, this is how study should be. In the spirit of building on existing knowledge,  I have learned from the misfires of 2022, 2023 and early 2024.

From mid-2024, I am going to ROCK this. I know myself a lot better and I understand myself a lot better.

So, here’s to the fantastic Week 1 that was, looking at Consciousness.  I’m looking forward to Week 2, which will look at Sleep.