There’s a kind of magic in those moments when joy, music, and sensation collide. As an autistic individual, I often find myself seeking sensory experiences that bring both comfort and exhilaration. Some years ago, I had the pleasure of attending Jersey Boys at QPAC, and while the production was captivating, the highlight came as the show drew to a close.
The actors had left the stage, but the band continued to play. As the crowd moved toward the exits, I lingered, savoring the music and the energy of the moment. I leaned back against what i thought was the wall, because, well, I’m autistic and hypermobile and I lean on everything. This time, though, I was actually leaning on one of the huge speaker panels in the wall. I felt the glorious thump of the music reverberating through my body. It was a pure, unfiltered sensory experience, and with the hindsight bright by my autism diagnosis —a moment of autistic joy that made my heart sing.
The Intersection of Autism and Music
Music is often a profound experience for autistic individuals. It’s more than just a melody or a beat—it’s a sensory journey. For many of us, music provides a way to connect with the world and our emotions in ways words often can’t. The rhythms, vibrations, and harmonies can become a form of sensory seeking, where we actively pursue experiences that stimulate and satisfy our senses.
In this instance, the vibrations from the speaker weren’t just sound; they were a tactile sensation, a physical resonance that complemented the auditory experience. For me, leaning against that speaker was like plugging into the music itself—a direct line to the joy and energy of the moment.
Tinnitus and Sensory Trade-Offs
Of course, sensory joy sometimes comes with trade-offs. As someone who experiences tinnitus, I’m well aware that loud environments can exacerbate the ringing in my ears. But in moments like these, the joy far outweighs the potential discomfort. Tinnitus, while ever-present, feels like a small price to pay for the incredible connection I feel to music.
Interestingly, I’ve often wondered if what is perceived as tinnitus in autistic individuals might sometimes be a form of sensory hyperacuity—a heightened awareness of certain frequencies rather than a true ringing. Regardless, the interplay between sensory seeking and sensory overload is something many autistic people navigate daily.
The Unique Joy of Autistic Sensory Seeking
Sensory seeking is a deeply personal and unique experience for each autistic person. For me, it’s not just about chasing sensory stimulation but finding the perfect balance that brings comfort, connection, and delight. Music offers that balance in spades. Whether it’s the deep thrum of a bassline, the soaring notes of a violin, or the harmonies of a choir, music is a source of unparalleled autistic joy.
Moments like the one at Jersey Boys remind me of the beauty in embracing my sensory needs and special interests. By allowing myself to linger, to lean into the moment—literally and figuratively—I’m honoring the joy and connection that music brings to my life.
Celebrating Autistic Joy
Autistic joy often comes in moments that might seem small or inconsequential to others but are deeply meaningful to us. It’s in the details: the thrum of a speaker stack, the shimmer of a cymbal, the resonance of a perfect chord. These are the moments where we feel truly alive, connected to ourselves and the world around us.
For anyone who sees me leaning against a speaker, eyes closed, lost in the music—know that it’s not just about hearing the sound. It’s about feeling it, embodying it, and letting it carry me to a place of pure, unfiltered joy.
Because sometimes, the thump of the bass is worth everything, even the tinnitus.
This was written by ChatGPT in response to my prompts, and a final edit by me. A transcript is available at https://chatgpt.com/share/67905d56-adbc-8013-bcbe-3ed1ecc515c3
The Auld Skald's Fudgel 