Autism in the workplace

Trigger warning – mention of suicidal ideation

Read with caution, and rest assured, the events described were back in 2011 and 2018. I’m ok. I really am OK. Cash poor but spiritually rich, and OK

For all of my 31 years in the paid workforce, I had no idea I had no idea I was autistic. I had no idea that my sensitivity to sound was an autistic sensory issue. I had no idea that rejection sensitivity disorder had me in its grip, making me fragile, or as one person put it, “you can dish it, but you can’t take it”. Did I mention that autistic people sometimes have communication issues, and that’s its not constant?

In my last 11 years, as a senior manager dealing with occupational health and safety,  environmental management, quality assurance and corporate governance, I had no idea I was autistic.

How might my professional life have been different, if I had known I was autistic? Could supports and accommodations have been put in place?

That’s really hard to say, or imagine. Not much was known about autism, and it was believed that Aspergers was a different disorder.

But in my last professional role, things were showing, even though I was undiagnosed. Looking back, with hindsight and new knowledge, I can see my autism peeking through my carefully constructed facade.

The challenges – RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) made professional life, well, interesting. Going through recruitment processes and not being offered a role. Once in a role, 1 month, 3 month and 5 month probation reviews. Then the annual performance appraisal process. All those little points upon which anxiety and RSD can bloom. And if I felt something was unjust, my strong sense of justice directed my words.

But RSD, from two separate instances at work, I now know to be the origin to be the origin of the two suicidal ideation episodes in my life.

The first one, feeling unwanted, that my work was tolerated but really unnecessary, set off the RSD in a spiral that only hyperempathy saved me from. What would it do to co-workers, driving back from the same meeting I had left earlier, if they saw my distinctive car wrapped around a bridge pylon. That was what stopped me. Hyperempathy. My autistic traits saved my life.

The second time was being given what I thought was a direction but was not, at least, not a direction for immediate implementation. So I forged ahead, made mistakes and the ensuing conversation about that set the RSD off and running again, all the way to suicidal ideation by way of a home-made toxic substance. Reiki, and a skilled, talented and generally all round wonderful Reiki healer, caught that one and opened doorways for me that I could give voice to my distress. That time, I ended up on Zoloft, and it was awful.

The Challenges – sensory

Then we can talk about sensory issues. With my audio sensitivities, having my own music playing was essential. So I became the DJ for the office. But the uninvited noise from an open plan office was, shall we say, uncomfortable. Several times I asked about moving into an empty office, and was refused. Several times, I would be walking back into the office to be met with what sounded like a wall of sound, with people on the phone, conversations, office machines… but all I would do was take a deep breath and continue walking through to my desk in the open plan office.

When I did get an office, sharing with my off-sider, the peace and silence was magnificent yet almost unnerving. The server room next door provided white noise, that I didn’t know I needed, but now makes sense.

That’s not anxiety, that’s an autistic meltdown

Then there was the offsite company meeting in the function room in a hotel, where lunch was in the hotel bistro. I walked into the bistro, then walked out again. I called it an anxiety attack, but now I know it was an autistic meltdown, a meltdown from the noise I walked into, but also RSD from not seeing a reserved seat for me.

But wait, there’s more

All the while,  during this period, I had a husband in the mid to end stages of Huntington’s Disease. Small wonder I went down with hypothyroidism from the chronic stress and also with oestrogen dominance, resulting in fibroids. Too much testosterone, my parasympathetic nervous system overloaded and operating from the sympathetic nervous system, in constant fight or flight. And with undiagnosed autism.

From my experience in risk management and risk mitigation, how then could diagnosed autism, and appropriate accommodations, made a difference?

If my manager and the next manager above that had known about RSD, what would have changed in terms of performance appraisals and performance management?

If my manager had known that my auditory sensitivities were actually austic auditory sensitivities, would the office have been offered sooner?

If my manager had known of my need for clear communication, instructions and directions, what would have changed?

And yet, my autism made me good at my job, at inspections, audits and investigations. Checklists, forms, guidance on inspections. Audit consultations, completion and reports. Emergency management and communications, problem solving, troubleshooting, then reviewing how we had done. My attention to detail, my planning, almost to a project management level of detail; my autistic traits made me good at my job.

That was then, this is now

These days, self-employed as a rideshare driver, I control my workplace. Temperature, noise, what’s playing on the radio, or Spotify. Which booking requests I accept. And seeing so many regulars, the same people, day by day, week by week, establishing relationships with my regulars. My workspace, tailored for me. And every day I have my itinerary.

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Autism in the workplace, Amaze Australia

In 2018, Amaze Australia conducted research into community attitudes & and behaviours towards autism.

https://www.amaze.org.au/creating-change/research/employment/.

This is what they found, that:

• The unemployment rate for autistic people is 31.6% – three times the rate of people with a disability and almost six times the rate of people without a disability.
• 45% of autistic people who are employed report that their skills are higher than required to do their job.
• 20% of people report having lost their job because of their autism.
• More than half of autistic people who had held a paid job have been out of employment for three or more years

That’s an awful lot of wasted talent. How could your workplace be more inclusive?