For 45+ years, I have been castigated, and self-castigated, for my inability to keep my room/ rooms/ desk/ home clean and tidy. That’s how my executive dysfunction manifests. I may have periods of a special interest where I can do a cleaning spree, but then it will fall back to executive dysfunction.
What does a sporadic special interest in cleaning look like? It’s when I know the chemistry and delight in making my own products, using my knowledge of kitchen chemistry and aromatherapy. It’s when I take base produce, unscented, and use aromatherapy to give them my signature scent, or maybe a specific essential blend for a specific situation, such as mould.
Otherwise, however, my personal brand of executive dysfunction combined with object permanence means untidiness and clutter. Internalised ableism from a lifetime of masking and pretending to be what I was not creates a cruel inner voice.
This is the damage of undiagnosed autism. Parents remonstrate, real estate property managers write bad reports and managers down grade your annual performance appraisal.
So how am I going to deal with it? Like this. I have four polypropylene shopping bags, 2 black, 2 white. Each one has been labelled – upstairs, downstairs, rubbish, recyclables. And with a timer set for 20 minutes, pick a pile of shame and go for 20 minutes, filling those bags up. After 20 minutes, stop. Go and deal with the contents of the bags. Throw stuff into the correct bin, take stuff upstairs or downstairs, where it needs to go. Wash hands, have a glass of water, and that’s one little bit done.
I’ve beaten back executive dysfunction in my cooking. Now it’s time to triumph with my executive dysfunction and set routines to help me be a better, autistic, me.
The Auld Skald's Fudgel 